before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
