I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
