I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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