I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
