I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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