I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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