I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm sobbing to NWA
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
