plz talk dirty to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
