there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
