i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he shaved USA in his pubs
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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