he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
