i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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