he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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