Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Everyone says I win the strip club
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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