is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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