I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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