Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
