I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize