at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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