come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
