Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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