i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
