ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
