Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
