either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize