I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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