I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
