Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
