On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
