hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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