I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
