the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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