He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
