Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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