yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
