For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your cock deserves a montage
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
