Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
