Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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