This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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