i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
soo... how was my night?
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