I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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