the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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