we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
