You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
