People in love make me want to vomit
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
