did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
