i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
