Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
