I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
