I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
