Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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