How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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