i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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