pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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