Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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