To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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