Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize