talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
