So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
