So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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