This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
