Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
