You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
