I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
