He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
