In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
