I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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