you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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