Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
