And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
