She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
