So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
