This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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