I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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