He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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