I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
