end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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